Why I like Teen Idols

I know. You’ve read the title of this article and assume “Oh, Marcos is going to tell you why teen idols are bad role models for today’s youth and should be stopped!”. No, no I’m not. I’m going to take the high road here and tell you why teen idols are great for society today.

Number One: Teen idols ensure our perfume supply 

As of December, 2012, Lady Gaga, Nicki Minaj, Beyonce, Jennifer Aniston, Taylor Swift, Justin Bieber, Christina Aguilera, Rihanna, Mariah Carey, P. Diddy, Paris Hilton, Avril Lavigne, Katy Perry, Shakira, Britney Spears, Gwen Stafani and Usher all have their own fragrance. Everyone needs their own fragrance to mark their individuality and uniqueness, so having multiple celebrities making different smells will give most people a unique essence, even if 100,000 people have the same perfume or cologne as you.

Number Two: Teen idols lessen fear about McDonald’s work shortage

I enjoy my bi-monthly Big Mac, so I always need to make sure someone is there to serve me. When Teen Idols make a song about “getting down at the club” and “drinking until we can’t see” teenagers will do the same to imitate their idol. So when these kids can’t get into college, what will they do? Serve me and the other millions of customers at McDonalds. Thanks guys!

Number Three: Teen idols make other works of art appear better

Here’s a riddle for you, how do you make the Lincoln Memorial look bigger? Compare it to the smaller one you can buy at the gift store right next to it. If you compare the two, you will see that the Lincoln Memorial is bigger and indefinitely better. So when you listen to a Justin Bieber album and then anything else, anything else will sound better. 

Number Four: Teen idols stimulate the economy

To all of you who criticize Obama not doing a good job on stimulating the economy, you should take back what you have said. Obama has had a secret plan to stimulate the economy all along and he started in 2008 by teaming up with the biggest teen idols to create huge album sales. Justin Bieber’s “My World EP” sold 1 million copies, Rihanna’s “Rated R” sold 656,527 copies, One Direction’s “Up All Night” sold 1.4 million copies, Justin Bieber’s My World 2.0 sold about 3 million copies, Beyonce’s “4” has sold 1.3 million copies and Lady Gaga’s “Born This Way” has sold 6 million copies. 

Number Five: Teen idols show us new ways to use the English language

Everyday words are given different meanings by teen idols. Before, swag meant a type of curtain, now it means cool. Before YOLO (“You Only Live Once”) was used for motivation and living life to its fullest, now, because of teen idols’ overuse of the term, it is an excuse for stupid actions. Before “racks” referred to a place to hang a coat, now it is used to describe money.  Before “thug” meant a person that will jump you and steal all of your money, and now it is a person who struggles. I can now use these words to mean different things!  Boy won’t my English teacher be proud of me!

So there you have the five reasons. If you don’t believe now that teen idols are doing society good, you must have no swag.