Would You Mind Picking That Up?

Rise up! Belmont Shorians with open front yards, I say rise up! Together we can defeat the scourge of the lazy thoughtless dog owner who lets his precious pup leave a "present" on our lawns for us to pick up. Let us march out into the streets! Let us find every single one of these people and..

Oh..umm...sorry...just got word from my legal counsel...Apparently inciting a riot is "bad" and would perhaps not be the best thing for the old career to have my name associated with the Belmont Shore Dog Poop Riots of 2013.

Well a guy can dream can't he? Oh, and I have. I have dreamed a lot. (cue sinister laugh) Ohhh what I wouldn't do to catch a dog and its owner in the act. I have dreamed of so many scenarios, it would be hard to pick just one. I think I would first take on the prescence of a ninja, secretly starting out of my window so the dog owner takes no notice. I would then witness the dog in their incriminating squat, all while looking around the neighborhood as if to say "nothing to see here, move along".  (Before I became a dog owner, I would have blamed this whole thing on the canine in question, but now because of my very own Murph Doggy Dogg,  I know better.) After confirming "the drop" has been made, I would then fix my gaze at the owner, who will be wearing a remarkably similar look to the dog as if they think by doing so they and their dog's horrific lawn gift will become invisible. Then, I would watch the both of them casually saunter away, so they believe they got away with their lawn crimes.

Oh but what then? Ohhh...I have thought of so many ways to deal with it...Of course there is the mature way, of actual confrontation, politely asking them to pick it up. But...where is the fun in that? And besides, the owner is obviously not mature enough to take care of their dog, so how could I expect them to react? Most likely they would deny it and run away. No, I think I will stick with one of my original revenge fantasies, to bag the poop, follow them home, and leave it on their doorstep, or maybe in their mailbox, depending on the size of the dog and how long I had to follow them with that weird revenge look in my eye.

Oh, I know that somehow someway, this will all come back to the Long Beach plastic bag ban, and how you would just love to pick up your dog's stuff, but the jack booted thugs in Government have made it a crime...blah blah blah. Yes, yes, I understand now. Your inability to pick up your dog's poop on my lawn is Obama's fault. I look forward to reading all about it in the letters to the editor section of the Grunion Gazette.

Oh, and if you unleashed cats of Belmont Shore think you got away with one here..think again. I got my eyes on you...so does my ninja dog Murphy. Revenge will be ours! (cue sinister laugh)