With the cozy warmth of Christmas cheer and “2 for 1” sales
now firmly in my rearview mirror, and the rather ominous sounding 2013 still a week away, I find myself caught in a dramatically metaphorical River Styx filled
with year-end lists eager to define 2012 for me. Here are my favorites:
10.Top Ten Songs,Movies, and Books: I have decided to lump these into one list because they all seem to be assembled by writers so eager
to please such a vast group of readers, they end up with a list of “favorites” spanning so many different styles and genres as to not possibly be true. Case in point: One writer listed songs by Eminem and One Direction right alongside Russian female punk band Pussy Riot as their best of 2012. Really? Those are all on your playlist?
9. Top 10 New Jersey “SuperLawyers”: The website superlawyers.com
was nice enough overlook the Tony Soprano and Jimmy Hoffa jokes that
immediately sprang to mind to provide this list to us for 2012. It also makes
me wonder whether a closing argument from one of these gentlemen might begin
with “Yo, look jury, I am a friggin Super Lawyer over here…would I ever steer
8. Top 10 Super Bowl Commercials of 2012: Look, I get it; the Super Bowl is 20 percent about the game and 80 percent about the commercials. But I can’t remember one of these commercials let alone ten of them. And dear Super Bowl
commercial committee, while you are patting yourself on the back, can you maybe
bring back the Bud Bowl and those funny Budweiser lizards?
7. Top 10 Beaches of 2012: The website “Dr.Beach” provided us with this list of predictably great beaches. Yeah, yeah yeah…Hawaii blah blah blah, Florida blah blah blah, Hawaii again blah blah blah. I can only speculate that our very own Rosie’s Dog Beach was disqualified for a lack of actual waves and perhaps too many doggy “landmines” not picked up by thoughtless owners who think they magically just disappear.(They don’t)
6. Top 10 Everything of 2012: Time magazine apparently just said “Oh what the hell, let’s take a break from actual news and just define everything 2012 for everyone. No one cares about the Fiscal Cliff and Syria anyway.”
5. ESPN’s “Not Top 10”: Ooohh ESPN…soo edgy! Look fellas, you jumped the shark a long time ago after doing everything humanly possible to make a Jesus-loving mediocre backup quarterback seem like the most exciting thing in sports. I am sure Mr. Tebow is a swell guy, but he doesn’t belong anywhere in a conversation about the World Series.
4. Top 10 Best Jobs of 2012: This comes to us from US News, who doesn’t seem to grasp that with so many millions still out of work, any job someone gets to help feed their family should be considered a “best” job.
3. Top 10 Blog Posts in IT Security: Tech Republic provided us with this fascinating…zzzzz….whoops…sorry about that…okay I am awake now...okay...so…this list is important because..zzzzz…ah darnit!
2. Top 10 Celebrity Scandals: I don’t quite know if
Lindsay Lohan and Kim Kardashian are hoping to be on this list? Would they
consider it a failure if they were not? Would they fire someone? Somewhere Paris Hilton is crying, whoever that is.
1. Top 10 New Species of 2012: Arizona State’s Institute
for Species Exploration provides this excellent list which is by far the greatest
of them all. I do feel bad however for those new species that didn’t crack the
top 10 and by now must be wondering what they heck they need to do to get in
there. But this list is excellent because of all the “best of 2012” lists out there;
this one lets us know that there is definitely hope for 2013.
Even if it comes in the form of a snub nosed monkey from Myanmar that sneezes when it rains.