Coping with Election Season Stress Disorder: E.S.S.D

The sleepless nights, the anxiety, the depression, the anger ….

These are all signs that you may be suffering from ESSD.

Election Season Stress Disorder.

This debilitating condition becomes fairly common every four years, not so much every two years, because, well … who really cares about local elections, right? The only elections that matter are the ones Rachel Maddow tells us matter right?

The disorder is known to start in late August, when you decide you will go ahead and watch as much of the Republican convention as you can.  Innocently enough, you feel that you are trying to be balanced, and just want to see what their point of view is. Soon enough however, you find your stress level rising, and you begin to make fat jokes about Chris Christie, or chair jokes about Dirty Harry.

A week later, you are riding a wave of euphoria as speaker after speaker at the Democratic Convention tells you things you actually want to hear, that your candidate has not done one thing wrong during his whole term, and things are becoming perfect in the world.

After Labor Day, you start to notice the advertisements are having an adverse effect on your driving ability. You see a Romney/Ryan sticker on a Prius, and your mind becomes jumbled with rage and confusion. You spot another car that says “NO Bama” and you start thinking how much your insurance might go up if you gave that car a gentle love tap with your Corolla.

Then soon come the debates. You know you are suffering, when
you feel nervous for your guy, as if he is your brother.  You are not so much worried about the content of what will be talked about, but whether or not he’s okay, forgetting the fact that he gets this sort of attention every day, even on the golf course. And oh yes, contrary to your belief, you don’t actually know him. Despite your numerous 8 dollar pledges, you have never even been selected to have dinner with the guy.

Your guy then gets his clock cleaned at the debate. And you fall into a sleepless night full of depression and the voice of Chris Matthews having a nervous breakdown.

You are now in the thick of this crippling condition, but fear not, for there is a way out.

1. Listen to the debate on Public Radio. Yes, I know this sounds boring as all get out. And when they say “No Rant No Slant” they are also saying, “Yes we are sort of boring”, but it’s the best way to cut out all the pundit noise you get from the left and right. Also, listening to the debate on the radio, you get the sense that Mittens Romney is not just being aggressive,
   but also seems to have just had his first ever double espresso.
2. Turn off the TV and take a walk. We live near the beach for crying out loud! And if you don’t want to walk near the beach, then walk in one of our beautiful neighborhoods that look like they have been airlifted from Mayberry. And if that’s still not good enough, play a game with yourself and walk up and down Second Street and count all the places you can get a mani /pedi. (I counted 57 if you include Billings Hardware Store.)
3. Pray for both candidates. Both men, contrary to what is written on Wonkette.com, are human beings. Both are trying hard and both are nervous. It’s okay to favor one over the other, I surely do, but when you pray for both candidates, you find yourself becoming more compassionate and less angry.You breathe a bit easier and you can maybe catch some sleep.

And if all this doesn’t work, well I guess wine is also a pretty good fix.

I wish you all the best for the season.